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A Parable

There was once a king who ruled over a vast, beautiful kingdom.  The kingdom was full of rolling, verdant countryside, pristine hamlets, and a harmonious social order. Then the plague came, carried by merchants and their animals from distant lands to the South. The king and many of the nobles hid inside the castle at the heart of the capitol, and ordered some of his loyal and fearless soldiers to enforce a strict quarantine.  Thus the plague mostly affected the serfs of this kingdom, and especially affected the old, the weak, the children among the serfs.  Because of this, the serfs also started a quarantine within their own communities. The king sent healers with supplies to the serfs to live among them, as a reprieve for their suffering. Thus did the king preserve the strength and vitality of the ruling class. After many generations passed, the nobles had forgotten the severity of the plague, after not having seen anyone affected by it in person.  The cur...
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Pain Makes the Rhythm

or... proximity    Zero white light/white heat ringing in ears blunt wall, broad wall Hitting the wall second lap of the 800 m, last lap in a relay coach yelling  + running with like he's a jockey whipping u the wall--it's a thing everyone knows about but there is oddly not enough phenomenology on it, idk if there is biology either limits are ill-defined in sickness or in health, well ABSOLUTE limits that is (absolute deterritorialization --and any dumb theory terms will go in small print so as to detract less) but you hit it, and it's not concrete, but it's just as solid.  almost feels like ur hitting a column of air.  weakness can be profound and traumatic but trauma is physiological and metaphysiological, not psychological, well, yeah it's psychological too, but   those dreams u used to have about weakness, and now have, for different reasons, but it's the same reason--the reason is weakness.  the dreams where ur legs ...
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Is it you, God?

Have you done this to me? 
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Hell

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AnywY I think I’m in hell already and god is just torturing me forever and ever for fun The memories of things in life that I enjoyed feel too distant They must have been implanted It makes sense tho I think I am in hell Either that or imma have a psychotic break bc of thinking that I don’t think that I actually ever had someone I was in love with or had friends I think those memories were retroactively implanted To tantalize me Tantalus and Sisyphus Same person Behind the mask Because what do you think kept Sisyphus going? A tantalizing promise, forever just out of reach Maybe if u just refuse to have hope you can’t be tortured (amor fati as a paraphrase of “abandon all hope, ye who enter here”) Hope is what they use to keep u being tortured If u just recognize yr in hell It’s harder to torture u I was never W alker Storz.   All the memories I have of friends or lovers feel too distant and must be fake, I have always been he...
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